Chapter 1
Justine Blackburn shook her twenty-five-year-old selfโs hand. Alexis Daltonโs grip was as light as the blue of her eyes. It wasnโt exactly like staring into a mirror and seeing her much younger self reflected, but it was unsettling. It certainly was unlike anything Justine had experienced beforeโand sheโd gone through a thing or two in her life.
She looked to Rochelle for emotional support during this odd moment, but her friend was going through the exact same thing. Rochelle was more laid-back about these things, however. She was already pulling the actor that would play the younger version of herself into a hug. Sienna Bright was older than Alexis, because Rochelle was eleven years older than Justine. What a fucking trip.
โYou look just like I did back in the day,โ Rochelle said to Sienna.
Yeah right. In Rochelleโs very distorted dreams maybe. But Justine refrained from rolling her eyes. Despite everything that had brought them here, this was a special moment.
โItโs such an honor to meet you, Miss Blackburn.โ Sienna turned her attention to Justine while Alexis did the same with Rochelle. โI mean that from the bottom of my heart.โ Sienna Brightโs handshake was much firmer than her co-starโs, and her unflinching stare into Justineโs eyes was just as intense.
โThank you.โ Justine made sure her grip was equally strong as she met Siennaโs bold gaze.
โCasting really did an amazing job,โ Rochelle said. โI couldnโt have done better myself.โย Rochelle had retired from her Hollywood casting director job only a few years ago. If it werenโt for her, none of this would be happening. They wouldnโt be shaking hands with these bright young things who were about to play them in a movie about what Justine and Rochelle had built together.
Justine had read various iterations of the screenplay and she felt there was too much emphasis on her love affair with Rochelle, which had ended decades ago. But she understood that a love story made a movie more interesting or, as Rochelle had called it, โmore watchableโ. There were many parts of Justineโs life that would be much harder to watch.
However, she had insisted with the director, Mimi St James, on a light tone, despite the heaviness of the subject matter. Agreeing to her relationshipโor romance, as Mimi had called itโwith Rochelle being included in the script was part of that. It was also true to life. All those years ago, Justine and Rochelle had fallen in love.
Now, Alexis Dalton and Sienna Bright were going to recreate it on the big screen. It was surreal to invite these two young actors into their lives for a little while so they could get to know them for this particular, extraordinary purpose.
Justineโs motives for doing any of this had been crystal clear from the beginning. Rochelle had pitched her the idea in the only language she knew Justine would accept. Agreeing to this movie would bring in a ton of money for the shelterโand the shelter was what Justine lived for. If she had to sell the rights to her life for itโbecause thatโs what they called it in the โindustryโโthen thatโs what she would do. She wasnโt getting any younger and the shelter was always short of money. In that respect, it was a no-brainer. What was most baffling, really, was that someone wanted to make a movie about her life at all.
Rochelle ushered them into her living room and offered drinks. She busied herself in the kitchen, leaving Justine alone with Alexis and Sienna. She gestured for them to sit before settling into her favorite chair at Rochelleโs house.
Whereas Alexis seemed to nearly disappear in the couch, Sienna took up all the metaphorical room in it. Justineโs gaze was drawn to the actor playing her ex much more than to the actor who would be playing her. But maybe that made sense. Out of the two of them, Rochelle had always been the biggest attention-grabber. In that respect, the casting was pretty spot on.
โHere we are.โ Rochelle approached carrying a tray with four glasses and a pitcher of iced tea.
Sienna immediately offered to help, while Alexis seemed to fade deeper into the cushions.
โLetโs not be coy about this,โ Rochelle said when everyone had been served a drink. โThis situation is quite the mindfuck.โ
Justine could have done without this part of the process. Sheโd be quite happy to simply sign away her life rights and cash that check, thank you very much. But she recognized that actors playing real-life people wanted some modicum of access. To spend some time with Justine and Rochelle to see how they interacted and, perhaps, study the intricacies of their movements and the inflections in their voices. Now that they were all sitting here, deep down, it was quite thrilling. Although these were not the kind of youngsters Justine was used to dealing withโthe privileged and the adored. Quite the opposite.
โItโs so exciting to be here,โ Sienna said. Her voice didnโt match her age. It was low and a little gravelly. โYou must hear this all the time, but what you two have done and continue to do for the community is so inspiring.โ
This was beginning to sound like an awards acceptance speech already. Justine didnโt care for awards, unless they came with a big fat check attached. Otherwise, they were a waste of time and energy. An award couldnโt put a displaced kid up for the night. Justine shook off the thoughtโher brain perhaps spiraling because she was more nervous than she wanted to beโand focused on what Sienna had actually said.
โWhen you say communityโโJustine fixed her gaze on Siennaโsโโdo you see yourself as a part of that?โ
โOf course.โ Sienna met Justineโs gaze and held it.ย
Justine had received extensive biographies of both actors, as well as a list of all the productions theyโd been in. She knew full well Sienna identified as queer and Alexis didnโt, but she was just testing the waters a little, ruffling some feathers because she couldnโt help herself. Because it was her style.
Perhaps she was even doing Alexis a favor by showing her what kind of person she wasโalthough the version of Justine that Alexis was asked to portray was very different from todayโs Justine who was, granted, being a bit difficult just because she could. Too much privilege on display could still get to her like that, but it was also what kept her fire burning, even after all these years.
โIโm not queer,โ Alexis said matter-of-factly. โI was told it wouldnโt be an issue.โ
โItโs not,โ Rochelle said, then shot Justine a look. โWeโve seen your work and it speaks for itself.โ
Rochelle often spoke for them both, usually making Justine look better, so she didnโt mind that much. Justine didnโt have a lot of spare time to watch moviesโshe barely had time for this encounterโand sheโd seen no movies that either actor had appeared in.
She smiled at Alexis regardless. โI concur.โ Justine sipped from her iced tea and glanced at Alexis over the rim of her glass. The physical resemblance was there, although Alexis looked far glossier than Justine had ever done, especially at twenty-five.
Then, for the first time, Alexis widened her smile to full beam, and looked straight into Justineโs eyes, as if to say, why donโt you just wait and see, and Justine caught a glimpse of that unrelenting fire that alwaysโlike a fever that never brokeโburned within her.
* * *
Sienna was glad sheโd be playing Rochelle rather than Justineโnot that she could ever portray a blonde white woman with blue eyes. Where Rochelle was kind, inviting, and easy to talk to, Justine was a much tougher nut to crack. She wasnโt cold per se, but Sienna figured, from the difference in their energies, that Rochelle was far more invested in this movie. Although, from a pure craft perspective, trying to get in the head, and under the skin, of someone like Justine could be a delicious challenge.ย
She focused on Rochelle instead, on her big hand gestures as she spokeโshe clearly loved the sound of her own voiceโand the warmth in her face when she smiled. Rochelle was instantly likable, one of those people who filled every room they walked into. But Justine was the heart of the movieโand despite her rather aloof demeanor, Sienna had nothing but respect for what Justine had accomplished. Although, from the script of Gimme Shelter, which Sienna had studied and already knew by heart, she knew Rochelle had been instrumental in getting their homeless shelter for LGBTQI+ kids off the ground. Siennaโs part in the movie might be more of a supporting roleโAlexis would be its undisputed starโbut it was definitely significant.
โHow do you feel about Nora Levine playing the part of your mother?โ Sienna asked Justine when Rochelle stopped talking for longer than thirty seconds.
โIโm not sure I have any feelings about that,โ Justine replied, her face as expressionless as a blank sheet of paper.
An inadvertent chuckle escaped Siennaโs throat. This woman was just too much.
โSorry.โ Justineโs shoulders loosened, and she sat up straighter. โI didnโt mean to be flippant. This whole thing is just so weird. I mean, a movie about my life? Well, a very particular time in my life.โ She paused and, probably because it was the first time that afternoon that sheโd spoken more than a few sentences at once, everyone let her. โI have nothing but respect for Nora Levine and her support of the LGBT Center. And I guess that any project that has her name attached to it will get extra buzz. If extra buzz equals extra cash, thatโs a double win in my book.โ
Rochelle cleared her throat. โWhat Justine is actually trying to sayโโ
Justine cut her off. โYou donโt have to speak for me, Roche. Besides, these girls are here to see what weโre like. It would be awful to pretend being someone Iโm not. That wouldnโt serve them at all.โ
โIโm thirty-six,โ Sienna said, โIโm hardly still a girl.โ
โYou ladies,โ Justine corrected herself, โneed to know that unlike my good friend here, Iโm not a Hollywood person. A fake smile and a bunch of hyped-up words mean nothing to me. To be completely honest, I never even go to the movies. Iโll give you access to me and my life for a limited number of days, because of course I want this movie to work, but Iโm me. I say it as it is. I donโt sugarcoat things and I donโt waste time with half-truths if I can help it.โ
โWould you mind if I made some notes?โ Alexis asked. โThis is pure gold for my performance.โ
When Alexis Dalton was first cast in the role of Justine Blackburn, Sienna had had her doubts, but she was beginning to see it was about more than pure physical likeness.
Alexisโs question made Justine laugh out loud. โYou know what?โ she said. โI think I like you.โ
Alexis pulled her phone from her purse and furiously started to type.
โAs you can imagine,โ Alexis said, while typing, โnow that the ice is broken, I have a lot more questions.โ
โIโm sure you do.โ A small smile appeared on Justineโs lips.
Sienna took it all in. Alexis was right. This access to the real people they were going to play was a gold mine for them as actorsโalthough it added to the pressure to get it right. Sienna had only played fictional characters so far in her career and her father, who knew a thing or two about acting, had advised her against auditioning for the part because of his firsthand experience playing a real person and the havoc it could wreak on your career. Her father also had three Oscars on his vanity shelf.
Sienna sought acting advice only from her dad, because based on her firsthand experience, this was his only area of expertise. Yet she hadnโt listened to him when it came to this movie. The Charlie Cross script had been too enticing and the prospect of telling an important story about actual lesbians too good to pass up. Being part of this movie meant something to Sienna on an elemental level that her father probably couldnโt fathom.
โIโm here for all your questions too.โ Rochelle shot her one of her warm smiles.
โDo you remember when you first met Justine?โ Sienna asked.
โHow could I ever forget?โ Rochelleโs smile widened. โAlthough it was hardly love at first sight.โ
